When I was small, I looked at a princess and a prince and thought the fairy tale was real and just had to have that. I learned in church about Adam and Eve. God created Adam, made Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. Was I always trying to find my way to a man because of that? I do not know. I just know that I was with someone in one way or another from the time I was in seventh grade, passing notes, “going with”, to dating, and then steady, almost engaged, then married, divorced, boyfriend, bad breakup, boyfriend, married, boyfriend, divorced, boyfriend, boyfriend, etc.
Again, is it that rib? So I have decided that I am going to fight that instinct or whatever it is and learn to like being on my own. I want to learn to be comfortable with myself alone. I want to learn to go out to a restaurant and eat a meal with a book or with no entertainment and not feel anxious or strange, even if takes me a few tries.
I want to practice feeling comfortable taking care of myself and being good to myself without shopping every day and getting myself into financial trouble. I have created a list of inexpensive ways to care for myself. There are books and helpful websites that have given me endless ideas to keep myself busy without pulling my credit card out. I am actually paying those balances down.
I am to the place now where I do not think about joining dating sites and look at guys when I am out and about with my family. When I watch shows and movies with couples, I am not imagining myself with someone, or wishing that it was me in that girls place. I honestly had not gone more than 2 months in my life without looking or working my way into someone’s life before now, and the peace and rest is really amazing.
What I have done, is found a circle of friends that I can call to talk, have dinner with and do things with, that have nothing to do with finding a mate, or boyfriend. They are not people who are helping me troll the waters for available possibilities. The freedom this has given me is unbelievable. This is not to say that when someone would come into my life that would be interested and be interesting to me, I would not want to be in a relationship. But I want to do this for a year or two.
I read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and thought there is no way!! But I am doing this in my city. I have nowhere near the resources to travel the world as she did, but it is amazing how you can recreate a template from a book like hers where you are. There are places to find faith were I am and people to learn how to do that from. There is amazing food to eat where I am and amazing people to eat it with. And who knows? I just may meet someone here too in the next couple of years as well……